


can’t not think of all the cost (can we just get a pause?)

by dearzoemurphy



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Post-Episode: s03e22 Chapter Fifty-Seven: Survive the Night, Present Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29328060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearzoemurphy/pseuds/dearzoemurphy
Summary: They’re sitting in a booth at Pop’s, which isn’t unusual on its own. What is unusual is the fact that they are the only two people in the entire restaurant; no Archie or Jughead in the booth next to them, no Vixens swapping stories and sharing ice cream, no Serpents slithering through the shadows. It’s only them, in a place where they can pretend that no one else has ever mattered.Betty wants to talk to Veronica about what happened during Penelope’s game.
Relationships: Betty Cooper/Veronica Lodge
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	can’t not think of all the cost (can we just get a pause?)

**Author's Note:**

> thinking about everything that the Riverdale kids have been through gives me lots of feelings. here’s some of those feelings written out!! hope you enjoy <3
> 
> also, this is set in a universe where Veronica stayed broken up with Archie and Betty broke up with Jughead because that’s what I wanted and I’m the master of this universe!! now, for real this time, I hope you enjoy!

“Hey, V,” Betty says, her voice low, coming out more like a hum than a complete sentence.

They’re sitting in a booth at Pop’s, which isn’t unusual on its own. What is unusual is the fact that they are the only two people in the entire restaurant; no Archie or Jughead in the booth next to them, no Vixens swapping stories and sharing ice cream, no Serpents slithering through the shadows. It’s only them, in a place where they can pretend that no one else has ever mattered.

“What’s up, B?”

She takes a deep breath. Somehow, despite everything that they’ve been through over the past few years, this feels like the hardest task she’s yet to complete.

“I want to say thank you. Really, thank you.”

Veronica tips her head to the side, clearly confused by the sentiment. “What for?”

“Before we knew that all of the chalices were poisoned, you drank the last one so that I wouldn’t have to. I…I guess ‘thank you’ isn’t what I really mean,” Betty says. She’s usually so sure of herself, so sure of every word that comes out of her mouth. They might sometimes be rash and inconsiderate, but always sure. Except when it comes to Veronica, almost every time, without fail.

Betty only liked considering the word ‘maybe’ when she was working a case. And whenever it came to Veronica. (Maybe Veronica _was_ a case of hers, a peculiar passion project that she would somehow never complete.) Because maybe ‘thank you’ was exactly what she meant. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for putting my life before yours. Because you know I love you. You know I care about you. You know I wanted to be the one to drink the poison because I could imagine my life ending that night better than I could imagine life without you.

“I drank it because I knew that you wanted to do the same for me,” Veronica confirms after a still moment, “I just couldn’t imagine living without you, knowing that you’d died for me.”

So they were the same. They’d always been, somewhere deep down inside.

“Neither could I.”

The thin line of Veronica’s mouth wobbles. “You know, I didn’t even think about that.”

“About what?”

“If the cups hadn’t been poisoned evenly, I would have been subjecting you to the same thing that I wanted to escape. And…that would have been so selfish. I wouldn’t have wanted that, either. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Betty assures her. One of her hands drifts across the table towards one of Veronica’s. Her fingertips graze the center of her palm, and it’s hot to the touch, like burning evidence and the feeling that’s been building inside her for the past three years. “There’s no way to win in the original scenario. That’s the whole point.”

“I know, but…how did I not think of that?”

“Not many would. I didn’t. I was just…destroyed. And then, when nothing bad happened right away, I was beyond relieved.”

“How many kids do you think have been through the same amount of shit that we’ve been through, really,” Veronica muses, shaking her head side to side. Her hand finally curls around Betty’s, making Betty feel as though flames had engulfed it and were never going to give it back.

“I’d say that the number of people that have almost been lobotomized and have a serial killer dad that stalked them for several months is pretty low,” Betty remarks glibly. She had to joke, she simply had to. There was nothing else to do but laugh. Laugh, or drive herself crazy.

“Same for the number of people with drug lord dads that put their boyfriends in jail,” Veronica replies in kind. Betty almost flinches at the word boyfriend. How that was the worst word out of all that had been said, she wasn’t sure.

“Yeah. I’d hope the number is low.”

She wouldn’t wish any of what they had been through on another living soul. She _did_ wish that she could take the pain away from her friends, though. From Archie and Jughead and Kevin and even the ones she didn’t know as well, like Cheryl and Toni and Fangs and Moose and Josie. And, above all others, Veronica, whose hand she’s now clutching onto as if it’s her only tether to reality. She’d take their pain and carry it herself, if she could. She’d carry it for as long as she could, and even if she was crushed by it, at least she would know that she’d died freeing the people she loved from their burdens.

“Do you ever wonder what things would be like if none of it ever happened?” Veronica asks. Her intentions were good, but the question strikes Betty like an arrow to the heart.

“Sometimes. But I try not to.”

“It’s too painful, I know,” Veronica elaborates for her. “But let’s just pretend for a minute. What if we still met at cheerleading tryouts, but Jason had never died?”

“Cheryl would have been a lot nicer from the start,” Betty says, deciding to humor her best friend, who had begun to trace patterns on the outside of her hand with her pointer finger.

Veronica laughs, an exuberant laugh that seemed far too bright for the dull observation Betty had offered. “Yeah, probably. Maybe we still would have gone to the dance with Archie, and maybe he would have chosen you.”

“I don’t think so,” Betty hums, “I don’t know if there’s another version of that story.”

“Alright then. I’d still date Archie, and you’d still date Jughead. Maybe we’d all still be together if nothing bad had ever happened,” Veronica says, her eyes wandering away from Betty’s with a wistful sigh.

“You miss Archie?”

“I don’t know. Kind of. Not really. I don’t mind being single and staying friends, because I know he still cares about me, you know? And I still care about him.”

Betty nods. “I get it. We all love each other so much that it doesn’t matter what happens to us.”

Veronica stops tracing her patterns and begins to tap the outside of Betty’s hand, one finger at a time. Her fingertips land on her raised knuckles and Betty isn’t sure what the gesture means, but she doesn’t mind either way.

“Do you miss dating Jughead?”

“In some ways, yes. I miss having a person to go to and confide everything in. I mean, I still can do that, if I want to. But it feels like I have to ask permission now,” Betty says, then stops. “Does that make any sense?”

“It does!” Veronica says quickly, her eyes locking back onto Betty’s. “It’s one thing to have friends. It’s another thing to call someone _yours_.”

The possessivity of the word usually scared Betty. There weren’t many good things she could call her own, so she supposed it was fitting. After surviving Penelope Blossom’s sadistic, sick and twisted game, all Betty was grateful for was the family that she could call her own as they tumbled into each other behind the rescue truck. But there was also a difference between having found your family and having found your person.

Lucky for Betty, she was quickly becoming sure that she had found both, as Veronica continued to tap each of her knuckles in rapid succession.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Betty starts, “You know, if nothing bad had ever happened to us…what if everything was different?”

“Like, _everything_ , everything?”

“Maybe some things could stay the same. Like Pop’s and cheerleading and all of us becoming friends. But…”

 _What if you’d kissed me again?_ The words are on the tip of her tongue. All she has to do is force them out. She’s not sure where they came from, or why she wants to say them now. But what if that was the cure? It all seemed to make sense. Betty would have made sure that Hiram never even came back to town. Betty would have let someone else bring Clifford Blossom to justice. Betty would have never gotten tangled up in half of the messes that had pulled her in over the years, because she would have been too busy getting tangled up in her person.

And it would have been a two way street. Veronica would have focused on hunting her father down and may have snapped his spine for daring to hurt her. Veronica would have saved Polly and her babies, quietly, without any fanfare. Veronica would have made sure that no harm came to Betty, and shielded an entire town from misfortune in the process.

It was too simple of an answer, Betty knows this. She knows this, because she loves Veronica, and Veronica loves her, and yet, everything still happened. Calling each other ‘mine’ would hardly have changed a thing. And yet, some small part of her that still is desperately clinging onto any scrap of hope it can find is telling her otherwise.

“What if you’d kissed me again?” she finally says.

Veronica goes silent. Her fingertips stop tapping against the back of Betty’s hand.

“I mean…that’s a good question.”

Betty looks down, feeling more ashamed than anything. “It’s okay if there’s not an answer, it’s a weird question.”

“It’s not. It’s just not the right question,” Veronica asserts.

“I’m sorry?”

“The real question is _why_ didn’t I kiss you again, B.”

Betty’s world goes still. She’s positive that the earth beneath her feet has stopped spinning and the cars speeding by outside have all stalled.

“I mean, you had no reason to. We only kissed the first time to make the cheerleading team, and then you kissed Archie and I started dating Jughead,” Betty reasons. It sounds like she’s trying to convince herself that there was a good reason, though neither of them seem sure of that fact.

“Maybe. But, knowing what we know now…I might go back and do it. Maybe it would change something.” Veronica is gripping Betty’s hand tightly now, her own knuckles turning white with the amount of pressure that she’s using. “And maybe it’s not too late.”

Before Betty can calculate the exact amount of misfortune and agony the action will cause them, Veronica leans across the table and gently places her lips on hers, still gripping onto her hand. It hardly progresses past that; Betty too far in shock and denial to respond, Veronica too scared to anger the universe to push any further.

When she pulls away and Betty’s eyes fly open, she swears that she can see constellations swimming in the pools leaking out the corners of Veronica’s.

“It’s…it’s not too late,” Betty confirms, finding a way to hold Veronica’s hand with an even firmer grasp, “and I think I want to try that again. Just to see what might happen.”

Veronica beams, in a way that makes her almost effervescent despite the lone tears trailing down each of her cheeks. They make her real, Betty decides. And she’ll take reality over fantasy in this moment, even if that decision comes with consequences somewhere down the line.

“Okay. I want to try again, too. I’ll keep trying until I get it right.”

And so they try again. And again. And again, just to show that they’re both completely sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> if you are so inclined, please share any thoughts/feelings/opinions/etc. that you may have in the comments!! I’m still getting a feel for writing these characters and this is both my first longer and more experimental work with them. thanks for reading, I hope you have a great day or night and stay safe!!


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